Monday, August 27, 2012

The Battle Rages On

Wow. I have not blogged in a coon's age. (I'm really into that phrase right now.) So, I wanted to take the opportunity to give a little life update and ask for some prayer.

First, I am still working part-time doing medical transcription, also working part-time on the Etsy shop, homeschooling an OFFICIAL kindergartner, volunteering at 2nd Mile Ministries (and SUPER excited to be starting up a middle school program with them this year), and being pregnant. This has been a BUSY summer. We spent a hefty portion of it at Summer Day Camp, which was FANNNNTASTIC, other than the super sick first trimester, but that part has passed now.

We have also had lots of other happenings over the past few months. We got into a car accident in March, which we are hoping to FINALLY resolve this week, and we'll be shopping for a new vehicle. Gotta have more room for car seats!

Annnnnd, we have put an offer in on a house. We put it in before Summer Day Camp even started, but we haven't heard anything yet. It's a short sale, so waiting is part of the game, but boy are we antsy to hear something (positive) and get moving!

Most importantly though, I just hit week 17 of this pregnancy. I find myself really anxious, wondering if I'm feeling this baby move, wondering if I've done all the right things, etc. For those of you who don't know, my second baby, Ransom, died in utero at 17 weeks. I didn't struggle with fear through Aspen's pregnancy because I feel like God made her very clear to me before she was even conceived. That might all sound crazy, and there's a lot of back story, so go read it if you wanna know.

Ransom's Story, Part 1
Ransom's Story, Part 2
Ransom's Story, Part 3, and the Beginning of Aspen's Story

Anyway, I only want to find comfort in God. I don't want to start scheduling extra appointments or making myself crazy with worry about this baby. I know, most importantly, that if I were to have to walk the same path again, I would survive. I have done it once before, and God was hugely glorified. That, after all, is the whole point of this life, right?.

Regardless, it's not fun to be battling the enemy in my mind so consistently. I know this week will continue to be a battle in that regard. I just wanted to ask you to stand in the gap for me, pray for me, and support me as I throw my staff into the ground and declare, yet again, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

It is so weird how a loss in one pregnancy forever changes the rest of your pregnancies. I don't see them as guarantees, or count down the minutes to the gender ultrasound (which I'm still debating as well, because that was when we found out about Ransom). I have this nagging question and fear in the back of my mind, which is clearly NOT from God, stealing some of my joy. I'm sure other moms who have been in this position feel the same way.

I suppose the good news is that in the end, I know who wins. I'm glad to be battling alongside a God who loves me, and friends and family who do as well.

Thanks for reading, and praying, and being there...

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