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Thursday, August 30, 2012

And the Beat Goes On...

Earlier this week, I shared some of my anxiety and struggle with week 17 of this pregnancy, and several other things that were going on. I have had some pretty cool God stuff happen, so I thought it was more than appropriate to update you prayin' friends!

So, first, the car. I wish I could share the whole entire story because it just makes God that much cooler, but I can only share part. Add 50% more coolness to this story in your mind. Or 100%, whatever. We were T-boned in March. Due to circumstances, we have only had one car since then. This past week, we were put in a huge bind and down to ZERO cars, which is a bit inconvenient. We decided to take a rather significant loss and just settle so we could move on with our lives. So, we took the loss. We were out about $1000 on storage of the van at a local garage because it has been sitting there for so long. Disappointing, but alas. Anyway, the man who owns this garage is a GOOD man. He is a Jesus lovin' fella, and I have sent many friends to his place for work on their cars. He told us he was getting his wife a new vehicle and we could take a look at her old one if it would work for us. It's a Suburban. I was a little hesitant because of the gas, and wondering whether my little people could get in and out on their own. We tried it out, and it was perfect! He offered to sell it to us for the amount we settled for, which was a HUGE blessing because it is worth more than that... but he's a family friend, has known us a long time, and you know, just a great guy. So, we're like, "YES!" We write him a check for the amount we settled for and were feeling so grateful, when he then writes US a check, refunding us the amount we lost in the claim due to storage of the vehicle!!! WHAT!?!?!? SERIOUSLY BLOWN AWAY! You better believe I will be advertising heavy for this place if you ever need work done on your car. SUCH a huge and major blessing from God, and I really felt like it was significant that it happened in week 17 of this pregnancy, like God was giving me this special little present. That might sound so silly, but sometimes He does that sort of thing.

So, He's done something else. On Monday, I went to the Kangaroo to get a Roo cup full of Icee goodness for my kiddos. I walk in, and there is a new worker. His name is Ransom. WHAT.? It pretty much freaked me out, not in a good way. I was really stressing about this turn of events. WHO is named Ransom, other than my dead baby? No one. Is God trying to let me know this baby will die, too? I don't know... but let me now fast forward to TODAY. I was doing a homeschool evaluation for a friend, and then we were chatting about all sorts of life stuff, when I said to her (and to myself), "Well, the Lord hasn't given us a spirit of fear." AS I WAS MAKING THIS STATEMENT, RANSOM (from the Kangaroo) WALKED INTO THE RESTAURANT, RIGHT BEHIND MY FRIEND. This is not a joke. This guy I've never seen in my life, I have seen twice during week 17 of this fear-ridden pregnancy. This young man with the same name as my little one who is gone, walked into a restaurant as I was telling a friend that the Lord didn't give us a spirit of fear. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, if any of my children will live or die, but I do KNOW that I know that I know that I know that fear is most certainly NOT from God. Thank you for praying with me to slam my staff into the ground and declare to the enemy, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" He is most certainly NOT going to pass. How cool and amazing and huge is our God, seriously!?!?

Anyway, I have been really blessed by these occurrences this week, and I hope you will be as well. God is always up to somethin'.

Monday, August 27, 2012

The Battle Rages On

Wow. I have not blogged in a coon's age. (I'm really into that phrase right now.) So, I wanted to take the opportunity to give a little life update and ask for some prayer.

First, I am still working part-time doing medical transcription, also working part-time on the Etsy shop, homeschooling an OFFICIAL kindergartner, volunteering at 2nd Mile Ministries (and SUPER excited to be starting up a middle school program with them this year), and being pregnant. This has been a BUSY summer. We spent a hefty portion of it at Summer Day Camp, which was FANNNNTASTIC, other than the super sick first trimester, but that part has passed now.

We have also had lots of other happenings over the past few months. We got into a car accident in March, which we are hoping to FINALLY resolve this week, and we'll be shopping for a new vehicle. Gotta have more room for car seats!

Annnnnd, we have put an offer in on a house. We put it in before Summer Day Camp even started, but we haven't heard anything yet. It's a short sale, so waiting is part of the game, but boy are we antsy to hear something (positive) and get moving!

Most importantly though, I just hit week 17 of this pregnancy. I find myself really anxious, wondering if I'm feeling this baby move, wondering if I've done all the right things, etc. For those of you who don't know, my second baby, Ransom, died in utero at 17 weeks. I didn't struggle with fear through Aspen's pregnancy because I feel like God made her very clear to me before she was even conceived. That might all sound crazy, and there's a lot of back story, so go read it if you wanna know.

Ransom's Story, Part 1
Ransom's Story, Part 2
Ransom's Story, Part 3, and the Beginning of Aspen's Story

Anyway, I only want to find comfort in God. I don't want to start scheduling extra appointments or making myself crazy with worry about this baby. I know, most importantly, that if I were to have to walk the same path again, I would survive. I have done it once before, and God was hugely glorified. That, after all, is the whole point of this life, right?.

Regardless, it's not fun to be battling the enemy in my mind so consistently. I know this week will continue to be a battle in that regard. I just wanted to ask you to stand in the gap for me, pray for me, and support me as I throw my staff into the ground and declare, yet again, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"

It is so weird how a loss in one pregnancy forever changes the rest of your pregnancies. I don't see them as guarantees, or count down the minutes to the gender ultrasound (which I'm still debating as well, because that was when we found out about Ransom). I have this nagging question and fear in the back of my mind, which is clearly NOT from God, stealing some of my joy. I'm sure other moms who have been in this position feel the same way.

I suppose the good news is that in the end, I know who wins. I'm glad to be battling alongside a God who loves me, and friends and family who do as well.

Thanks for reading, and praying, and being there...