Do you ever get annoyed with yourself? I do. I've been feeling that way a lot lately. The past several months have been a very interesting overhaul in my life. God has been really opening my eyes to some things and forcing me to make some changes.
The main thing that I find annoying about myself is the fact that I get caught up in so much frivolity. Don't get me wrong, here. Joking around and being sarcastic are likely permanent parts of my character, and I do love Facebook for blowing off steam, being silly, and having a laugh. I also love it for developing relationships with people outside of my "bubble" (meaning, nonChristians, nonHomeschoolers, nonStayatHomeMoms, nonFillintheBlank).... but I hate Facebook (and really, myself) for bickering, quarreling, frustration, annoyance, politics (ugly politics, not intelligent debate), degrees of legalism (holidays, diet, worship styles, ministry decisions), and all the rampant disunity we Christians put all over the web. I'm totally a part of the problem. I am a crazy person, and for some reason, people vent to me. When it comes to lots of issues, this is totally great. I love being able to be a sounding board for someone else, hear them out, pray for them, do whatever I can. In other instances, especially if it happens to be an issue with which I also struggle, it is just fuel to my fire. I turn into the Avenger if I think another person has been hurt or wronged. It is SO hard for me to sit on something like that without being compelled to fight their battles and right all the wrongs of the world. It's usually not my place to do so, though, and I know there are times I just make things worse. I am totally a button pusher, and I know exactly what I'm doing.... and I am SO annoyed with myself!
On Mondays, we spend the afternoon at 2nd Mile in Brentwood, and I feel like this is a beautiful, wonderful, God-ordained, priority-check for my week. God reminds me every week, "THIS is what matters. There are real people who need to know about Me, real people who need help and love and hope. They aren't all across the world. They are in your own city. You are wasting your time fighting battles other than this one!" SO true. I just don't think it's God's heart. I think a whole lot of the stuff that I spend huge portions of my time doing, thinking about, and being frustrated about are well-meaning detours off the path of what really matters. I've eliminated some things from my life and made some kind of difficult choices to help get back on the path of what really matters. I'm trying really hard to keep the main thing the main thing, so that I don't have to be quite so annoyed with myself.
And, although I'm annoyed with myself, I'm really excited about the new season of life that God is setting before us. He has a plan for our hope and future!