It's 3:00 a.m. and my heart is heavy. My friends had to tell their baby girl goodbye. I am just utterly broken for them. God is using the vivid memory of telling my own baby goodbye to remind me, and devastate me for them. No pain is so acute. No sadness is so hard to bear. I am just praying, praying, praying for their strength. I'm praying that they will be absolutely overwhelmed and engulfed by God's presence. I remembered something from the hospital tonight. I remembered looking out the window and seeing what I can only describe as God's presence moving right by our window. I know there are these chimney kind of things outside that room, but this presence was moving in a different direction than the chimney smoke, and it was much more real. I know that might sound crazy, but it gave me peace. God was there. He was in it with us. I know He is in it with them. I was laying in bed, nursing Aspen, and just thanking God for her. I can't tell you how grateful I am to have my little promised one, and I realize that if we hadn't lost Ransom, she wouldn't be here... but part of me thinks, why not? Why couldn't I still have my second son, and have my little girl a little later? I know the answer is simple. It wasn't God's plan. That doesn't mean the answer isn't hard. I know my son's life had infinite value. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard. I know I wouldn't be sitting here at 3:00 a.m. bawling my eyes out for someone else if I hadn't been sitting in this same spot, bawling my eyes out for myself. But that doesn't mean it isn't hard. I know that I haven't wasted the pain of Ransom's life and loss. I know that my friends won't waste the pain of their own baby's life and loss. I know that God has used that pain to stretch and grow me in so many ways. I know that God will use that pain to stretch and grow them in so many ways. But. it. just. hurts.
Jesus, give them strength. Thank you for allowing me to bear this burden alongside them. Let them know that they are not alone. Let them know that we have survived, and that they will survive as well. Give them confidence of the value of their little girl's life. Bind them more strongly to one another, and to You. Use their little boys to give them comfort. Don't let the enemy steal anything from them. Remind them of Your might, and Your power. Remind them that they are conquerors in You. Remind them that You have overcome death and the grave, that death has lost its power over us, that their little girl is seated in heavenly places, with You. Remind them that she was always Your baby, and that no one will ever love her as much as You do. Remind them that You know the pain of losing a child. Let them know that Your heart is broken alongside them. Be present in their grief. Draw near to the brokenhearted, as Your word says You do. Hold Your babies, this mother and father, close to Your chest. Let them kick and scream and cry, and hold them tighter through it. God, I believe You will. I believe You are who You say You are. I trust in Your character, and in the hope You bring. I thank You that joy comes with the morning. I thank You that I can comfort them with the comfort I've been given. Remember Your people right now, Lord. Remember them. Remember us. Be with us. Hold us. Remind us.